Due date here and leaving

It's Taia, again.  Today is my due date.  I shared earlier how I got to the point of anticipating a home birth after 2 cesareans.  The last 9 months have been roller coasters of ups and downs.  I started off being very open about my plans... especially when I didn't know I was pregnant.  Then after discovering that I was indeed pregnant and shared our plans with our closest friends of our home birth... the love and support was not returned.  I shared with them my blog address where I poured out all the details of the previous births and my heart.  Many were amazed at the story but still did not support me.  They kept saying, "I respect it but would never risk it myself."  The look on their faces said more than what their lips said.  It was very discouraging.  But this is coming from people who have never had a c/s themselves and also brag about all the interventions they enjoyed in the hospital.  How can they relate.  I continued with my blog and started posting it on a facebook vabc support group and sharing it only with people who seemed truly interested in what I was doing.  I stopped sharing the blog with my friends and I honestly think they think I stopped writing it.

As for family, we took different approaches depending on what family we were talking about.  I am a very open and honest person and have a hard time keeping anything from my parents.  They knew of the birthing center near them that I had visited.  My mom somehow took what I told her and interpreted it into: Mom, I found an Amish lady who will let me come to her house when I am in labor.  That is NOT what I had said.  I cleared up what the birthing center was all about and that professionals, not random Amish ladies ran it.  Then let her know about our change of plans to a home birth at our home... with a PROFESSIONAL.  She seemed open to it and has been respectful.  However, I should back up to before we even knew I was pregnant.

My sister happened to be in the hospital having her second baby.  She had planned a vbac and things did not go as planned.  No point to getting into that story.  But before my parents left her hospital, they pulled my sister's OB aside and told her about our plans for a vba2c at an Amish birthing center.  This OB then went to my sister in tears and told her that she has to talk me out of it as it is totally not safe.  In the mean time... I actually found out I was pregnant just a hour before my sister delivered.  I couldn't tell anyone as I didn't want to take the focus off my sister and her new baby.  But when all had been celebrated and I shared that we were pregnant, I got some big unexpected emotions from the ones I loved the most.  I was mad that my parents went to a random OB to discuss me.  This OB had no knowledge of my medical history besides the fact that I had 2 c/s and got them all upset.  They were not interested in the experts I had.  Their one seemed to trump mine.  It took some time for them to get over that and I'm not sure they ever really did.  My sister and I had a couple conversations about it weeks later.  I told her to do more research and she said she knew she wouldn't but wanted to know that I heard her out.  We really haven't discussed it since.  My sister was so supportive with my first vbac and one of my best allies.  But not this time.  I miss her support and it saddens me.  But I can't change what I can't control.  I'm ignoring my Dad's thoughts as he doesn't listen well and has his own views that will never change.  He just doesn't get it.  Just this last week I began sharing specific details with him about c/s and the complications, etc.  He said he had never heard of anyone NOT wanting a c/s... because they are painless.  There is no point in wasting my energy on gaining his support.  He knows I am going to do what I am going to do and lets it be.  So, that is my family's story on these plans.



My neighbors have been curious as they knew I traveled an hour for each appointment and the delivery last time around.  I let them know that we are staying local but having a vbac.  I'm not sure what they think, either.  They should know no local hospital will let me do a vbac let alone a vba2c.

So, there have been very few I have really been open and honest with.  One was a new neighbor who seemed to know something was up as I was vague in my answers and then she shared that she has not immunized her 4 kids.  I had a feeling she would understand.  It is kind of funny, really.  Her husband works for the local hospital but is fairly new to the area.  She was asking about the reputation of the birthing center and I told her they have a bad reputation (true) but let her believe we were still birthing there.  It seemed so odd to say a hospital was bad and we'll let you know what we experience later.  Anyway... once I confessed to her our true plans, she shared that she is a 3 time vbac and once in a birth center.  She has been so supportive.  It is great to get those surprise support.  I also have an educator coming to the house through a school program for children birth- age 3.  I finally told her when she began asking questions and she was so supportive too.  So, I have some people I can count on who truly and honestly wish me the best and will be lifting me up... well now I hope.

Besides those few, I keep in contact with my vbac support group.  Really, there are only 4 of us.  lol.  It is sad we haven't grown more but you have to understand, the hospitals around us preach no vbac.  Anyway, I am honest with them and rely on them to support me and lift me up when I am down.

Oh!  Insurance.  That was a big stressor.  I shared in my last post that a co-worker of my husband had a home birth with the same midwife.  So, we knew out insurance would cover her.  We had to request that she be considered "in network" as no home birth midwives were listed.  Our request was DENIED due solely to the fact that I had had 2 c/s.  That was one of my lowest moments in the last 9 months.  It was so stressful.  Insurance said we were welcome to have a vabc in a hospital but not at home.  But no hospital would let us have a vbac.  We appealed to them and about a month later were denied again.  We had to appeal 2 more times before we could go to our employer and ask him/it to over ride the insurance's denial.  For our second appeal, we asked the midwife to write up a letter with her assessment.  I insisted my husband let me read over the appeal before sending it off.  I made him change his statements of 'The midwife's medical opinion" to "the midwife's medical assessment."  She is a professional who they respected with a number of other people but did not respect her assessment for me.  This second appeal was GRANTED.  Thank the Lord!  I was trying to hold onto the fact that God was in control and would clear this up.  My friends pointed out that they thought God was telling us no.  They didn't say much when the appeal was granted.  God is faithful to those who are faithful to Him.  So, that is the short version of our insurance struggles.  I hope it is the end of it too.

The way things are billed as a home birth is a little different.  We had to pay in full up front at 36 weeks to the midwife.  It was $3500.  I was to and did pay $100 with each visit until week 36 where we paid the remaining balance.  Six weeks after this baby is born, we will get the paperwork to file with our insurance and then have to wait for them to process it and write us a reimbursement check.  It hurts financially, now... but is good to know we will one day seem the majority of that money return.  It is well worth it to have control of our birth.  We have paid at least that out of pocket for each c/s so this way, if all goes well, we will be saving money, too.  Not that it is our main reason to have a hba2c but one can be thankful for the savings.  The $3500 also covers ALL prenatal visits excluding lab work such as blood tests, ultrasound etc.  Not bad at all.  To add to that, she has always come to me in my home.  No bundling up the 2 yr old, driving an hour, waiting in the waiting room, waiting in the exam room, quick check by doc and then have to spend $ on lunch (b/c by then it was always time to eat) and drive back.  It took all day.  She comes to me.  My child is at home, I can stay in my pj's if I want and she spends at least 1 hour with me really getting to know me.  How many experience that as a prenatal visit?

Well, this post has taken forever.  I'm not sure if it has interested anyone or if Jessica regrets asking me to post something.  I hope it gives some insight.  How can someone wrap up 9 months into a pretty bow?  I suppose I will shortly as I deliver and dress my sweet little girl.